Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Green-Eyed Monster


I always thought jealousy was a reaction one feels when someone else achieves something great.

There is a woman in my life who fits this definition yet she's not the object of my jealousy. If she were, my feelings would make sense to me. She's wealthy, manages a non-profit, and has a great family. (In fact, I’m happy for her especially because trickle down economics means rewards for me.)

The woman I’m jealous of lives next door to us up at our cabin. She is a hateful and miserable woman but everyone is afraid to ruffle her feathers. When I drop by to visit, sometimes she just sits at her little puzzle table, looking out the window, and she chooses either to acknowledge me or not. No one, including her husband and daughter, sees this as unusual and it is accepted. This has been going on for at least six years and continues.

Thinking turn-a-bout is fair play, I tried the same tactics. She dropped by today and I kept doing what I was doing, cleaning, and only said, “good morning.” That’s more of an acknowledgment than I often get from her. As soon as she left, Mr. P shouted at me about how all females come with drama, drama, drama and asked me why I can’t be friendly to her. Many attempts to explain my position landed on his deaf ears.

Experts say: “Tell what you envy, and you reveal a great deal about yourself.” I find it deeply distressing that I would waste so much emotion feeling this way about her. I do understand why my feelings are so distressing – it is the knowledge that my jealousy is based on pettiness and nothing of substance that I can identify.

I am jealous of an insignificant woman who somehow has created a world in which she doesn’t have to adhere to social decorum.

So what does this say about me? I don’t have a clue.

Denise facilitates this meme where we all go through the alphabet from A-Z and construct a post with the designated weekly letter.


jay said...

You struck a chord with me this morning. I too am jealous (or perhaps a better word would be 'envious') of people who break the rules and get away with it.

If I break a rule, whether social (like your neighbour) or workplace etc, I am smacked down, hard. Yet other people get away with murder and people pussyfoot around them. Why is it?

I believe it's to do with how much you want to fit in. If you are thick-skinned enough to shrug off criticism, then you will get away with more, and because you get away with stuff, people will be wary of you - as they always tend to be with the tough element in life. If you do care, and you flinch at being chastised, then they'll make sure to sit on you to keep you down.

I just need to grow a thicker skin so I can do what I like and make the rules instead of keeping them ... except I don't want to live like that. I prefer to try to be as nice a person as I can. ;)

On behalf of the team, thanks for taking part in ABC Wednesday this week! :)

Roger Owen Green said...

Most people who can see the flaws in others are oblivious to their own. I doubt she's even aware of her own "drama". But she doesn't seem like someone to be jealous of. Pity, perhaps.

Shadow said...

eeeck! i so dislike people like that!

Whitemist said...

That is a rough one, Jealousy or is it something else? That is something to ponder.

Kay said...

jealousy is merely the fear of losing something/, I ask you, what are you afraid of losing?

Cloudia said...

Very interesting discussion!

I don't think you are jealous of her; you are irked. You make your own rules and then live with the results and enforcement - so legislate carefully, :)

Aloha, Friend!

Comfort Spiral

jinksy said...

Maybe, when the alphabet reaches 'T', you can try talking to her, about how you feel when she is monosyllabic? Truth often turns out to be stranger than fiction; so she may be feeling totally other than you imagine.. and really needs help to mend her ways...

Reader Wil said...

I agree with Jinksy! Talk with her and tell her how you feel and what you don't understand and why she is ignoring you! You are not jealous but annoyed, which I also should be. Just think:"I am okay!" So if she ignores you when you visit her, you can say:"Well I see that you are busy doing a puzzle, so I'd better leave you and see you another time".

Woman in a Window said...

Gad, this is completely interesting. SHE is interesting, how she behaves, how she gets away with it. What an image, her at her window with a puzzle. I love this woman, in a love/reject kinda way. And then your reaction. Oh, there is such story here.

I had to confront jealousy last year, deep and rolling. I realized that there were a couple insitigators in my life. They worked especially hard at making me jealous. Of course, I could have choosen to allow it or deny it. I choose to deny it, and them. I don't see them much any more and when I hear of their successes, you know, I'm rather happy for them AND for myself. I allowed myself what your puzzle woman does in a way... Odd.

Susan English Mason said...

I have to comment on my own post here. It is January 2016 and she and I are bestie. Change your attitude; change your life.