Art of Self

Siri Apple: The All-knowing Being.
By susan-marie.com

MY STORY

For most of my adult life I have suffered from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and clinical depression. Cognitive behavioral therapy and psychotropic medications alone were not enough to heal me. Therapy taught me that I had to figure out a way to love myself; even though I had so much guilt, pain, and discomfort from my past. Medications helped me to cope with the feelings of anxiety I felt in stressful situations. One wintry day in 2014, I had a flashback from my childhood that I believe provided the north star I needed to complete my healing. 

I do not remember how, exactly, I came across the 52-week course on creating and art  an art journal. Looking back, I am certain that serendipity, no doubt, was at play. This was a year-long course that took me two years to finish. The overall belief system included non-violent communication techniques, art making for healing, meditation and visualization. At the very beginning of the course, I tried a short meditation, which brought me back to my childhood. In the moment, I felt like there was something wrong with me; always, something wrong with me. I went with the feelings. I did not fight them. Eventually, I received clear pictures in my mind’s eye. They were remembrances of joyful experiences from my childhood. My first recollection was of me performing “The Eensy Weensy Spider," over and over again for my sisters and brother. Continuing on with the meditative process, I was filled with memories of taking dance lessons, creating mosaics from legumes, and creating macaroni art sprayed with sparkly gold paint. I still love glam to this day! For the coming weeks, I kept thinking about more and more instances where making art brought me joy as a child. I started to feel better. Later during the meditation, I remembered how I used writing as a cathartic exercise to make myself feel better in my teen years. I even remember a poem I wrote in high school that I had not thought of for years, yet it was permanently etched in my memory:

"My script is one of heavy lines and changing stages,

When the curtain is up,

The scene enlightens,

When the curtain is down,

The end of light frightens.

Inside the ego is lurking,

The spirit in my heart is working,

To be me,

To be Free,

From overburdening lines and staging changes."

This meditative experience brought me to a place where I believed that if I continued, and finished the course, I would heal. I did heal!

After two years of writing, drawing, and engaging in any expressive and intuitive artistic process that came my way, I woke up one day very recently with the knowledge that the hurt done to me no longer controlled me. It is my deepest desire to extend a hand of guidance in pursuing making art as a healing process. 

I truly believe that making art soothed, transformed and ultimately healed my soul.

I have experienced first hand the art of self healing.  

Finding silence

Trying to get in touch with my inner silence is very challenging and quite honestly it's not working at all. I find myself sitting with the five minute timer on and I'm having to drag my thoughts back to silence. I think about everything including my shopping list; I can't seem to turn off the noise in my head. I am the kind of person who needs a prop; I am a very visual person who needs a stimulus even for turning off my motor.

I have a blog pal, soulbrush, who loves mandalas. In truth I never considered the value or purpose of a mandala until I met soulbrush on the web. With me it's pouts that grab my interest. I think pouts can be very beautiful; one only has to look at someone like Angelina Jolie or Mona Lisa for proof of that. Because I love pouts so much I find myself looking at every photograph, every statue, every cloud, and I see pouts. I know another person who sees hearts everywhere; in foot prints, in trees, even in food.

Do you have something you see all of the time in the ordinary?

Since finding out that soulbrush loves mandalas, I see mandalas all over the place. This felt like serendipity to me and it led me to research mandalas and I was so intrigued that I decided to share it here.

Upon reading further I found out that mandalas are used in rituals such as meditation. Now we're getting somewhere. This led me to research how mandalas are used in meditation since that is the ritual I am interested in because I am hoping it might help me find a way to get in touch with my inner silence.

I have seen lots of our churches with round stained glass windows called "rose windows" that always grabbed my attention, and now I think of mandalas when I see them. A very famous rose window was created by Henri Matisse, the great French modernist painter, for the Union Church of Pocantico Hills, New York, shown in the photograph above.

I began hoping that somehow this will help me in my dream weaving.

Then while wandering through a bookstore this past Sunday evening I saw a mandala kit called Serenity with Mandalas. It comes with 25 pre-printed mandalas and a set of colored pencils and it cost only $10. I decided to buy it thinking that I like to color anyway and it might reduce my stress at the least. Although I cannot recommend the kit due to the fact that I had to press way too hard to get any color out of the colored pencils, I did experience some satisfaction with choosing which colors to use and the focus it took to complete the entire mandala. I plan to buy some fine tip colored markers to use with my 24 remaining mandalas rather than using the colored pencils.

The mandala kit came with a booklet with really good information explaining all about mandalas and I am sharing it here.

Source: Serenity with Mandalas by Adrienne Burke

The mandala is an ancient religious symbol found in many cultures. It is usually a complex, circular design, divided into four or eight parts. The design leads the eye around the circle, allowing the viewer to discover new areas, and it eventually draws the eye to the center.

Mandalas are said to have originated thousands of years ago, before the time of Christ. Some even say there were mandalas before civilization began. Early mandalas can be found in cave drawings and rock inscriptions created by our ancestors, as a reflection of spiritual energy.

The mandala is round: a circle is the best thing to describe it, I think, but from my reading a mandala does not have to be a circle. The word itself comes from the root word manda, which means essence. The suffix la can mean container. If we put the two meanings together we can come to the conclusion that mandalas are sources of, or containers of, spiritual or divine power.

Mandalas traditionally have been used in concentration and meditation practice. The individual first creates the design of the mandala, which can incorporate pictures of deities and story lines, as well as various shapes, symbols, and colors. Through this process the mind becomes so focused that it turns off its normal chatter. The individual begins to merge the mind to the process, thus training it to be still. The conscious mind uses words to categorize and define our experiences. The unconscious mind deals in images and symbols, which give us various perceptions.

Mandalas are a powerful tool for meditation because the mind creates its strongest associations through imagery. The majority of the people in the world are visual in nature. They need to see something to relate to it. If you say or think of a flower, a person, or an event, an image will immediately arise in your mind. A mandala is intensely visual, energized with color and enlivened with design. Once pictured and absorbed into the mind, changes in your mental state occur to influence your emotions. Your perception is enhanced and a heightened state of awareness and insight can surface. What you feel is directly related to your state of being. The creation of a mandala helps to bring out the complexity of what is happening inside. The meditation enables you to perceive more clearly and helps you approach the ups and downs of daily life.